It's a Good Day to Lose.

[00:00:00] Speaker A: For more information on Ancient Dragon Zen Gate, please visit our website at www.ancientdragon.org. our teachings are offered to the community through the generosity of our supporters. To make a donation online, please visit our website. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Wonderful. Well, thank you everyone, coming out on this kind of smoggy day to hear this dharma talk and sit zazen together. Welcome to Chris. I think you're new here, but you practice with Pacific sand, is that right? Yeah. And then Daisy, isn't it? Yeah. Welcome. And Saxy, who's maybe here for the second time. Yeah. And we have Tanya, who often shows up for Sacheen but is now here. And it's good to have everyone during the summer make an effort to come in to bring the Dharma forth. And it's a great pleasure, an honor to have Esho Morimoto with us. She is a Zen priest who is ordained by Akamora Roshi and lives in Bloomington and practices with San Xinji, the temple there. And also we somehow share a lot. [00:01:29] Speaker C: The sound went off on the cloud. We have no sound on the cloud. Me. [00:01:37] Speaker D: How about now? [00:01:38] Speaker C: Okay. Hello. Oh, now you can hear me. Okay. Okay, great. [00:01:44] Speaker B: Thank you everyone for being techno wizard and being patient with this. Thank you. [00:01:52] Speaker C: Thank you. I welcome everybody in the room and welcome everybody from the Zoom. And thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Hogets Roshi and then Tayan Roshi, we have very connection with. Oh, okay. I think I have a soft voice, so I would try. So my teacher Okumura Roshi has very strong connection with Taigen Roshi. They spent some time to translate together and practice together. And then also Hougetsu Roshi and I were at the. I met her at the Soil Teachers retreat in Pittsburgh 2019 all day. And Hoveytes was very interesting. And now I live in Bloomington, Indiana. And then I was passing by. I went to New York, the Zen Community and Zen center at Isaka New York. And then when I was coming back, Hogetsu Roshi kindly, generously helped me to her home. And here we. Here I am. So today, title of this talk is it's a good day to lose. So it's timely topic when we're having a World Cup. So this losing is actually about victory to others. So that's another way of saying, my friend who practiced Tibetan Buddhism, he also often say, like, you know, he said he practiced at his center. And then they will say, like, victory to others, meaning you are ready to lose. So I had a recent experience of conflict in my house. I live in Cope housing. I live with 12 other people who are not Zen practitioners. So it's a very challenging situation. I think there's one Zen student and then me. And the recent experience was young person. She just became 20 years old. And then she has a role of membership. So we need. We are living in a rented house, so we need new members to move in. Most of our housemates are university students, undergrad, graduate, PhD. So every year we have, like, huge, big turnover. So the half of the people will move out. And we have. We need to have, you know, half of the people move in. So we need to have a, like, really vigorous, you know, membership. So. But she is a university undergrad student, so after, you know, her semester is over, she just needed a break. So she want. She went home and, oh, I'm gonna take a vacation. So I was like, oh, no, wait, we need to do, you know, membershiping. And then. So why don't I. Why don't we just get help? And then she was like. She was really upset about my suggestion. So. So she called me out for micromanaging. And I was like, oh, no. So. So that's like a, you know, very challenging situation. And then she was angry. And then, you know, when she called out, I got myself angry. So. But so the next day I felt like, wait a second. She's right. I was micromanaging because it's not my role. That's her job. And then I was stepping in, overstepping. And then, okay, so I apologize to her. I'm sorry I was managing, and I'm sorry I overstepped and then offended, you know, hurt your feelings. And so I. It's. It's good to step back whenever, like, any, like, strong emotion comes out, comes up, and then see from different perspective. In order to do that, you have to, you know, take off your shoes, and then you can put yourself in other people's shoes and then see from different angles from the whole situation. And then I. When I was visiting Isaka, a small Zen community, and they were also reading Zui Monkey Shobo Genzo Zui Monkey. And then one of the chapter struck me. So this is shobo gensoki book 5 12. So I'm going to read this little bit. Even when someone does something contrary to the mind of awakening, we should not immediately express our criticism and judge the person to be evil. We should search for skillful means and speak in such a way that does not make the person angry. It is said that Dhamma does not last long if expressed violently. Even if we should scold a person in Accordance with the Dhamma. If we use the rough language, the Dhamma will not remain long. Narrow minded people quickly become angry and think of their shame when they are criticized with harsh words. Magnanimous people are not like this. Even when hit, they would never think of revenge. In our country there are many narrow minded people. We must be careful. So I thought this is really good teaching. And then you know, this is about the precept of not giving rise to anger. It's not easy practice for me. So sometimes, you know, I see anger arises. When I was coming to Chicago, I ride an Amtrak and Amtrak maybe some people know it's not quite comfortable situation. So it was I forgot to bring my jacket so I was really cold. So this anger arises like why I'm truck is like this. So it's challenging situation. You know, every time this comfortable, uncomfortable situation, there's like, you know, you can see anger rises. So there's another teaching from this is kaku kakakuma kaka kakchupama sutta in Palikana simile of the soul. This is fundamental teaching on radical patience. So Buddha taught that even if ban to savagely curb you limb from limb with a two handled sol, so you must remain entirely free of anger and maintain a heart full of compassion. That's very hard practice. So you know, luckily nobody's getting, you know, cut, you know, limb by limb right now. But there's a situation like that like you know, you feel like really hurt and they feel, you know, so it's, it's a good practice to really cultivate your patience and compassion. So how you cultivate that is from your zazan practice. So every day zazen, that will help you to really, you know, make you be able to step back and then help patients. So on the experience I had with this young person was very interesting. When we had a conversation after we had the completely different views and then also our experience was very different. So it was very interesting. That reminded me of yoga Chala teaching of consciousness only. So and Uchiyama Roshi also said, you are born with the world and then you die with the world. So your world is only for yourself. So Uchiyamaroshi always like use example take a seeing like cup, you know, so I'm seeing from this angle, but another person, everybody has different angle and then everybody has completely different story. So your perception is very limited. Even though we had my, my housemate and I had in the same room, we had the same conversation. But actually what she heard was different from what I thought I said. And then what I heard was different from what she thought she said. So it was like, wait a second, we. But we didn't, you know, take a video, so we don't know what's. Yeah. So yeah, it's like, I don't know if you ever seen Akira Kurosawa movie Rashmon. There's three different person experience one. And then we never knew, like, which one is true. And then we. We would not, you know, so in this situation, I couldn't tell what's the truth, you know, even though I was in it. Also, the I like jigsaw puzzle. In wintertime, I was visiting my friend and then taking care of her dog. And then I was doing a jigsaw puzzle. And then the puzzle was the painting of the Hieronymous Bosch, the Garden of Earthly Delight. So when you're doing the zigzag puzzle, you have this little piece with maybe like a body. And then. So then I was looking for, okay, should be head. But they. And then I couldn't find the head. It's like, wait a second, there's no head. So the. Actually I was looking for human head, but it was actually this body was attached to bird. So I was like, oh, so it's not human. It was a bird. So, you know, so it's like. Like that. It's like we are like. Like a puzzle. Jigsaw piece of jigsaw puzzle. So you can't really see the whole picture. So you attach to your. If you attach to your view, only you, you won't be able to understand the situation. It's like your tree, your tree in the woods. You can only see from the point of view of a tree, but you are in the woods and you're connected to the woods. So the entire world. You are connected to the entire world, but you cannot see the whole world. So my experience was kind of like losing, you know, I was attaching to my view and then. And righteousness. So when I step back and then question myself, like, oh, what, what, what's my lesson here? What am I? What am I holding on to? So. And what can I let go? So I realized that I'm holding onto control, righteousness, and maybe power. And then I have to ask myself, wait, is. Am I really right here? Can I be wrong? Could I be wrong? And then, yes, I could be wrong. You know, so admitting I could be wrong feels like a little defeat, you know, Feels like a little. You're losing. But then I have to ask myself, is it okay to Lose is it okay to give up my view and then I just like, you know, allow myself to lose and then this kind of like a sweet relief, you know, like freedom, it's okay, selfish, you know, self centered views, let yourself free to, you know, cringing and then you feel, you know, relief. So we are kind of trained to like win from the very early stage. Like you always, oh, you have to be somebody, you have to be, you have to win. You're always competing and then if you just keep winning, you won't learn anything. So my experience is I feel like you can learn more when you lose, you know, because you're hurt feeling. You feel hurt. You can learn much more from hurt feeling than winning. So even though it was not, it was pleasant, unpleasant experience, but I feel like I did really learn a lot from my experience. And then not knowing and the rest, not knowing what is right or wrong, or not knowing what is good or bad and then it's like letting your life takes you and then letting life to be your teacher and teaching. So in my case I realize I'm sort of like, you know, controlling. This is my tendency to want to be control and take care of things and then I have to let go of that, my identity. So in the end I moved to a different house. But so it's, it's still same co housing, you know, because the house I was living in was like, you know, I was getting like a senior position and then everybody's expectation is like, oh, Esha is going to do it, just let her do it. Or like, you know, depending on me, it's like, but then, okay, no, I have to step back, I have to leave, you know, to let people step up. So I went to different house to be, I called myself a bottom feeder to be a cleaning person, you know, so. But then when I moved to the new house, they asked me to be a treasurer. So now it's okay. So you know, but wherever you go, you have to adapt. You know, the house you're going to be moving into would be different, you know, different situation, different tendency. And then you know, temple I go, like I been to like many probably like five different temples. So every temple I go, they have very different flavors. And then you going to have to be open and adapt to. So you have to empty yourself and then, you know, be willing to learn from the new situation. And that's a very humbling situation. My friend, she's moving from New York to California and she was like really grieving and I was also grieving you know, kind of feeling sad. I feel so comfortable living in an old house and now I have to move to new house and. And the new house room is basement and that's like, oh, it's dark. And I want to feel comfortable and you know, but it's. I realized in all the experience we call it good, bad, right, wrong. That's our perception, experience. You know, in the end any experience is just an experience. We always decide, you know, this is good experience, bad experience, oh, I want to be comfortable, I don't want to be comfortable. So you know, we always like ah. But then in the end any experience is experience you can experience without judgment and then you'll be freer. So I will end with this Talk with this Dhammapada91. This really spoke me too about my grief of leaving new old house and moving to new house. The mindful ones exert themselves. They are not attached to any homes. Like swans that abandon the lake, they leave home after home behind. So losing is good. It's a good day to lose. But losing your self view is good. Thank you very much. [00:21:24] Speaker B: Thank you so much Esha for a beautiful entry into Nava self and so many things I think we all can relate to at different times. This is our question and answer time, so I think David Ray will call on people online and Zion already is ready to. [00:21:44] Speaker A: Good morning everyone. Thank you so much for your talk. It's funny as you were talking and admitting the loss, taking the other person's point of view is taking the loss because taking the other person's view, I don't wanna say diminishes your view, but you're stepping into the shoes of another person to make your pain feel a little less. And the feeling that you were describing, is it okay to lose that softness? I've experienced that many, many times over [00:22:22] Speaker C: the last couple months. [00:22:24] Speaker A: And that softness is so, so sweet. That to me that's winning. [00:22:30] Speaker C: You're. [00:22:30] Speaker A: I'm winning because I'm able to like to. [00:22:35] Speaker C: To lose. [00:22:37] Speaker A: So that's what came for me from, from your speech. And I think that that's what. I think that was the. The not say synopsis of your of. Of your talk and stuff like that. I think for saying the same thing but just wanted to share. Thank you so much. See. [00:22:49] Speaker C: Thank you. What's your name? [00:22:50] Speaker A: Yana. [00:22:51] Speaker C: Yana, thanks so much. I think Sabaki Roshi said exactly the same like losing is gaining. So I think it's, it's, you know, from like a worldly point of view. Losing is losing, but our practice is learning from losing. So I think you're exactly right. Thank you. Hi. [00:23:16] Speaker E: Thank you. Libby is my name. And when you first began and you said something like, it's a good day for the talk. And I thought you were gonna say because of the wildfire smoke. And so among the many things that you brought up for me as I was listening to you was that. And I was actually talking to a friend on Friday when we had. When the wildfire smoke was very bad here and the air quality was very bad. And it was. It's a friend who lives out of town, but she's in Wisconsin. And we had thought she was going to be out for a hike when we talked, but then because of the smoke, she was inside. And she's also a Zen, like a longtime Buddhist and now Zen practitioner. And she said that she had this feeling of welcoming. She's like, it feels right for this sort of symptom of what's happening on the planet to be happening, to be coming up in her space knowing that it's already coming, you know, in different ways. There's different symptoms coming up all around the world that people are already experiencing. And she had this feeling of welcoming it. And I was like, oh, I don't have that feeling. I want it to go away. I want it to be elsewhere. I don't. I want to win, I guess, while other people are losing. I don't want other people to lose. I don't want other people to experience it either. But. But something in me does want to get rid of it, of course. And meanwhile, I'm also. We're gonna. I don't know if you know about Joanna Macy. You know, this. She's Buddhist influenced person, teacher. She died last summer, but at age 97 or something. 96. But she, you know, developed this. These processes called the work that reconnects that have to do with processing all that's happening in our world, you know, and this what she calls the great unraveling, which feels. The great unraveling feels so hard to ignore right now for many of us. But she also. Part of the processes are about, you know, grief and allowing, in your language, allowing ourselves to lose or to feel the loss that's happening and to see what emerges from that, you know, what's in there to help us move forward instead of resisting. So anyway, that's what was coming up. And I'm curious if any responses from you bringing your talk into that context. [00:26:01] Speaker C: Thank you. So this wildfire is also like a reminded. Remind Us of interconnectedness, you know, like we're. Oh, it's where this smoke come from, you know, so this, from Canada and then this smoke goes everywhere and then that's like exactly, you know, you think you're like separated, but you're not separated. You are totally connected. And then that's this whole world, the whole universe. And then because of this wildfire and the smoke, you understand this, you know, pain of not having fresh air. So you can understand this, you know, suffering, you know, if you didn't experience it, you don't understand it. So you are learning this, learning this, you know, pain and suffering of others, you know, so like, you know, it's, it's suffering, but you understand the suffering. So that's your gaining. And then in the end everything will end. Everything would, you know, even though we, we want to keep it going, but eventually everything will end in the whole universe. This universe will end. And then that's sort of like a, you know, poignant, you know, we want to keep, keep going, but you can't, you know, so that's like a rise and fall of this, this whole universe, whole sentient being. And then because of this we can be soft and gentle to each other. If you just keep winning, you're not learning anything. And then you just be more self centered because of this smoke. We understand other people's suffering and then your suffering and you can kind to be kind to yourself, you know, so. And we can still breathe, you know, even though, you know, not great air, but we can still breathe and then we can gather together inside and then share. So my friend Tanya and I got thinking about going to swimming, but air quality is bad, so you have to stay inside. And I can watch World cup, so. So that's. So you can see from different perspective and then be able to, you know, see from many different perspectives and understand you're the whole world. You're the whole everything. Thank you. [00:29:02] Speaker F: So I just want to add to what you said, talking about saving and losing and so on. There was, I think in 2017 or something like that, an art installation made of neon lights put somewhere in Italy. And words were first, all of them projected. And then one word vanished and then another word vanished. And then there were three different messages that you would see in sequence. So the first was, everything that is not saved will be lost. Next one was, everything that is saved will be lost. And then the last one, everything will be lost. And you know, I'm crying because this moves me a lot, but it is totally okay. And Once we accept that it is totally okay, that that is how it is, then it's not so bad. But it takes really a lot of effort. So I feel your pain. Thank you. [00:30:10] Speaker D: Thank you so much for your talk and for the personal, personal stories that you've shared. And you mentioned anger. And so I'd like to ask you about anger. A lot of people in my life, inside and out of practice, tell me that they were raised in a way to avoid anger or not to express anger. And I wasn't raised that way. I was raised by two women, my mother and my grandmother, who were wonderful. And when were angry, it was unmistakable. They had different anger styles, but it was never a question are they angry or not. I always knew, and I think I grew up the same way. And there it's a different challenge of finding a way to express anger in a way that actually helps the situation, because anger is scary and anger is dangerous, but it's also dangerous to try to hold it in because then it just pops. So I would just, I'd like to hear more that you might have to say about anger. [00:31:05] Speaker C: Well, I'm still practicing, so, yeah, anger is a big challenge for me. So anger is connected to pride, you know, so when, you know, when somebody judges me and then, you know, you feel like, ah, how dare. You know, so. And also like a fear of, like, being wrong, you know, so. So I think it's different from suppressing, not suppressing anger. You can, you probably will feel it like no matter how many years of, of your practice, and then you can feel the energies, but you can have, you can be with that strong, hot energy. You know, you don't have to suppress it or you don't have to push it out, but you can be with it, you know, but you don't have to act on it. Yeah, so that's the, like, edge, you know, I feel, you know, this time I totally, like, act on it. And then I think, you know, when you act on it, like, you kind of like putting a gasoline to forest fires, you know, so it get worse. So next time I, I hope I can be with the energy a little bit longer, you know, just totally experienced the wildfire in me, but not spreading fire out. But that's, you know, that's a good, good challenge, good practice. And I want to aspire myself to practice that. And then, But I had a housemate who is very expressive of anger. And then, and then in, in the beginning I was like, oh, wait, wait, wait, you know, you gotta, you know, try. I was Trying to like, put the fire out. But then I made it worse because. Because that's who she is, you know, so when, when you encounter and then that kind of forest fire, it's really like, you know, if you struggle with the fire together, you might get burned and then you get. You might make it situation worse sometimes, like, you know, let the fire burn itself. It's like. But you're sort of like holding a space, not reacting to the fire. You just take a being with the fire, you know, being with your. Maybe your own fire and me being with other people's fire and just holding a space and then eventually, you know, you burns out. Then you can, you know, take care of the, you know, you can take care of the ashes. Yeah, but it's. It's a hard practice. Yeah. So I aspire myself to. To practice. Anyone else just want to say thank you for your thoughts very much. [00:34:50] Speaker B: Spoke a lot to me, so thank you. [00:34:52] Speaker C: Thank you. [00:34:57] Speaker B: Oh. [00:34:57] Speaker C: Oh, sorry. I. [00:35:01] Speaker B: So I want to also thank you very much. Esho. I think that, you know, and you've alluded to this in many ways, that Sazan is the great teacher in this. Because we don't have to do anything but sit when we see how anger works in our bodies and also how to take care of it. I was thinking of the smoke, like in the Sendo. We adjusted to the conditions. Jake is like, let's put on the air purifiers and figure this out so that we could take care of the conditions. So this adjusting to the conditions I think is really helpful too. So I really appreciate your thought. Esho's name is Correct Wisdom. Total upright wisdom. Complete wisdom. And so I thank you for sharing that with us. What we'll do next is the Bodhisattva vows when you're ready, and then Jake, you could help with this. I also want to thank the Technos and Dawn, you know, and everyone for being patient with our technology, you know, and we can see, like, even if we have to wait two minutes for something, it can be quite a challenge. But fortunately, we have this great practice of waiting for the bell to ring. So when you're ready, you can start the full vows. Maybe you could just do, you know, the invocation. May our intention equally extend. You can start it. [00:36:39] Speaker C: May our intention equally extend to every [00:36:44] Speaker B: being, being and place. With the true merit of Buddha's way being numberless. Te vou freedoms are exhaustible vows to them Our love makes our boundless be vows my to them this way is unsurpassable. Our objects are boundless we vow what you have with us with unsurpassable we vow to realize the things of us we mouth freedom. We love to come to them Our love gates are boundless. Ways unsurpassable we love to realize.